So, yesterday marked the day of my 24th birthday.
Yayness!
Step into this 24th year of my life makes me
kinda happy and sad, both at the same time. Maybe I’m just having too much
Chicklit to read, but this really feels like an early mid-life crisis thingy (sok tua..).
I’m happy, literally. I earn just enough money on my own
now, I have a real job (more on this later hmmm…), I still have my family
completely to support me, physically and mentally, my friends are everywhere and I
can count on them anytime, I’m perfectly healthy (just some holes in teeth
might hurt me sometimes and maybe I just have to reduce my glucose-consuming).
See? I’m perfectly happy. At a glance, sure.
I also feel that I’m being wiser now as I’m growing older.
My way of thinking, handling problems, I think it’s getting better. I see life
and destiny a little bit differently than before (thanks to that man, matter of
fact).
Then, reality bites. I feel like I’m heading nowhere in this
24 years old me. The 14 years old me might never have imagined the present me
to have a life like this now.
If I sort things through, I’d call this feeling of mine as
insecurity rather than sadness.
After graduating, it was only around a month of spare time
before I officially got a job. So
everything is kinda in a rush, yes. But if I look back then, I really needed
money at that time, so like a hyena sees a cute bambi, I just grabbed that job
to fulfill my needs.
Later on, here I am, after 7-8 months, stuck at this
company. So many things go wrong in this company, to be honest, and if I ever
resign at the soonest, it’d maybe because the crap management in a whole. I
might could have myself improved in this company, it is really possible. Somehow, I
can even put myself in a very strategic position if I hang on there. But the
thing is, this company is just not my thing. I mean, deep down I always realize that I’m
not really into a money-making business field. At least not this much.
After all, I’m a Freshgrad and I really think I should hang
on there for at least a year for my resume’s sake. Right now, I have to figure
out the way to survive for the next 3-4 months and it’s freaking hard. It’s
getting harder to even wake up in the morning, take a crappy train to go to
work and face the chaotic Jakarta every single day. Luckily, I still have bunch
of really good friends in office and they are good reasons to have good laughs
everyday, so technically, I’ve been saved.
And apparently, I can't move out just yet, cause I’m still
waiting for a scholarship announcement. Yes, I’m applying for another one this year, and I
kinda put a big of hope in it. So fingers crossed and wish me luck!
Another thing that is going nowhere is my love life. We
really never know who’s gonna chosen by our heart, yes? I never thought I could
really fall hard upon that weird man, and what’s worse is now I’m stuck. It’s
so not me. Normally, I’m just gonna leave out of a relationship that is going
nowhere. I don’t even know what I’m gonna go from here with him. All I know is,
I’m in that so-called comfort zone and not wanting to get out from there, not
now. Well as a matter of fact, he teaches me a lot, from professionalism (it sucks, but, yes), endless
life talk, to the roller-coaster ride of love and romance. All at once, it has
been a blessing and sort-of an unfortunate event, really.
The annoying part is the fact that I’m 24 now and my parents
is starting to be a little bit restless and keep asking why I never bring a man
home ‘cause it’s been a while since my last real relationship. On the last
wedding event of my cousin’s, all of my big family wished me a good man to be
married with. Based on the age order, it’s supposed to be my wed for the next,
so yeah, I really get why my parents keep yapping about it.
If those things above are the characteristic of an early
mid-life crisis, hell yeah, welcome me!
But then, let me blow the candle and make really good wishes
for the year ahead.
So, that’s it. Thanks for reading my sappy unimportant
curhatan. Later! Ciao!
(photo source: Flickr)
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