Farid Hardja

Aku merindukan seseorang yang aku jumpai sosoknya setiap hari.

Rasa rindu yang aneh yang senang datang menyergap raga, menyedot segala asa dari sukma dan melumutkan logika yang seharusnya ada.

Aku merindukan sosok yang kadang berada begitu dekat denganku, namun seringnya terasa jauh. Konsep tentang jarak terasa kian abstrak maknanya untukku. Mengalahkan abstraknya imajinasi-ku yang ujungnya masih tetap dia.


Ya, aku rindu dia.


Ada salam dari Farid Hardja,

Oh… aku rindu…
Katakan padanya aku rindu
Oh burung nyanyikanlah
Katanya padanya aku rindu
Aku rindu...


Salam rindu,




ps: Maaf jika postingan kali ini terlalu cheesy. Everybody loves cheese, right? :)

Stop This Train

Jadi ceritanya sudah kurang lebih 6 bulan ini saya pergi dan pulang kantor menggunakan jasa transportasi umum yang satu ini. Tapi kali ini saya bukan mau menilai kelebihan atau kekurangan kereta api sebagai transportasi massal, nope. Kali ini saya mau mencoba mengambil filosofi dari cara kerja si baja berasap ini.

Stop this train, I want to get off and go home again

I can’t take the speed it’s moving in

I know I can’t

But honestly, won’t someone stop this train?

Sepenggal lirik lagu John Mayer yang punya judul Stop This Train ini buat saya maknanya tidak sesederhana pemilihan kata-katanya.

Hidup ini ibarat kereta yang akan terus berjalan tanpa bisa dihentikan semau kita. Mau ngga mau, enak ngga enak sebuah kehidupan, semua harus terus berjalan. Life goes on, begitu kata entah siapa di luar sana.

Seorang sahabat pernah curhat. Dia merasa agak lumayan takut dengan kehidupan after college. Akan jadi apa dia? Akan kerja apa? Apakah dengan lulus kuliah dan bekerja otomatis kita sudah memasuki fase orang dewasa dan tidak akan kembali? Masih bisakah dia fool around seperti masa muda sekarang?

Jawaban saya waktu itu pendek saja dan agak dangkal sepertinya dengan kata-kata andalan seperti “let it flow”, “time will answer” bla bla bla all those clichés lah. But here’s the deal…

Hidup ini cepat, sama seperti kereta api yang sedang melaju cepat. Selama dia berjalan di rel yang benar maka kereta akan baik-baik saja kan? Selama kita naik kereta yang sesuai, kereta itu tidak akan berhenti sebelum sampai di tujuan yang kita mau. Mungkin beberapa kali bisa saja kita naik kereta yang salah dan nyasar, tapi pun sesegera mungkin seharusnya kita sadar dan berganti ke kereta yang benar dan menuju ke arah yang benar.

He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate

“Don't stop this train

Don't for a minute change the place you're in

Don't think I couldn't ever understand

I tried my hand

John, honestly we'll never stop this train”

Seburuk-buruknya hidup, pada usia atau fase tertentu akhirnya manusia akan menerima nasib dan jalan hidupnya. Renegotiate kalau kata John Mayer. Renegotiate dengan kehidupan. Renegotiate dengan orang-orang di sekeliling kita. Renegotiate dengan lingkungan. Renegotiate dengan segalanya.

Sekali lagi, honestly, we’ll never stop this train…

J

So?

What am I doing exactly?

Love has never been this complicated?

Or does love has to be like this? If so, then, what I had been experienced before was not love at all.

Seriously, if only I could surge your brain and pull it out to read what’s on it, I would!

Deep down, we always know we will never work out. But, somehow we keep on going.

I’ve been trying to make distance, but I don’t wanna suffer. Though, I suffer anyway in order to maintain my feelings when we are together.

I always amazed of how you can always get a grip and push your feelings in. While I seem like always be that idiot who’s longing for you every single day.

You said, you try to push your feelings away so I could do that too and eventually also throw my feelings away. Now in reality, it’s not working. So, what would you do to me?

I find it very funny to myself that I can keep it going this far. It’s weird and almost a magical experience for me.

You know, I watch this movie a few times. There’s a line in this movie and it says, “If there’s any kind of magic it must be in attempt of understanding someone and sharing something”.

For me, this magical feeling of me towards you might be the result of me trying to understand you and sharing things with you. Vice versa. You’re also trying to understand me and share things with me, aren't you?

I look forward and I see nothing but this grey thick misty road lie ahead upon us. I would really love to holding hands with you and walk get through that thick mist together. But I’d be fine if you don’t want us to even get started.

Truth is, I just don’t wanna missing out knowing you. I’d rather be hurt like this than have to never find you at all.

I have no bitterness, really. A little bit of obsession maybe, but I don’t have any hopes or agendas towards you.

When I decided to cherish every moment with you, I meant it. I’m willing to take the risk, no matter how painful it is.

I’m sorry for being a train wreck. I’m sorry if I’m too clingy.

Guess I’m just a hopeless romantic, an expert of making a fool out of myself.

I promise to stop. I just don’t know when.

"I won't make excuses. They just all seem useless, you don't have the time. I guess I'll take my chances now that I know love is on the line" - Michelle Featherstone (Careful).

photo source: Deviantart

xoxo,

Tired

I’m tired of waiting

I’m tired of being misled

I’m tired of being misinterpreted

I’m tired to be the second

I’m tired to pretend and say I’m okay while I’m really not

I’m tired to be cool

I’m tired to be untrusted

I’m tired to cry

I’m tired of too much thinking, wondering

I’m tired to even imagine good things about us

I’m tired of not having you around

I’m tired of not being with you all the time

I’m tired for never get enough of you

I’m tired cause I can’t love you in the way I’m supposed to…

 xoxo,

 

Another (Weird) Evening (With You) ...

Aku duduk di sebuah kursi plastik biru. Di lengan kananku masih menggantung sebuah tas kanvas. Tas kerja kuletakkan di dekat kaki kiri ku. Di pangkuanku, asap mengepul menggoda keluar dari sepiring sate padang yang baru matang.

Kamu duduk persis di sebelah ku, radius jarak kira-kira 10 cm. Kamu duduk di kursi plastik merah. Asap juga keluar mengepul dari mulutmu. Kamu menunggu nasi goreng selesai dimasak.

Kita duduk di pinggir jalan yang sama. Di belakang foodstall yang sama. Entah untuk yang ke berapa kalinya.

"Kamu pernah ngga waktu sekolah dulu, ngerasain sesi pengayaan dari guru?"

"Pernah, pernah.."

"Terus, waktu guru kamu mulai nanya-nanya ke teman-temanmu, kamu merasa pertanyaan-pertanyaannya gampang banget dan kamu pasti bisa jawab. Sampai guru kamu mengajukan pertanyaan yang sulit banget yang kamu ngga bisa jawab. Dalam hati kamu berharap, 'jangan gue, jangan gue yg dapet.. please jangan gueee..'. Tapi ternyata, eh, malah kamu yg dapat."

"Hahaha iya iya pernah banget.."

"Aku seriiing banget ngalamin yang kayak gitu. Sampai sekarang pun masih sama kayaknya."

"Maksud kamu?"

"Iya misalnya sekarang, orang-orang yang ngga aku harapkan tertarik sama aku malah naksir aku, sedangkan yang aku harap-harap malah ngga.."

Aku lirik kamu. Hati-hati melihat ekspresi wajahmu.

"Memang iya ya? Hmmm.. Kenapa ya?"

Geez! I really hate that poker face of yours!

 "Aku rasa aku dikutuk", aku datar kan ekspresi wajah ku sedatar mungkin.

Kamu tergelak.

"Hahaha, kok dikutuk?"

"Iya dikutuk. Habis aneh banget. Aku rasa hukum 'The Secret, Law of Attraction' ngga berlaku sama sekali buat aku ya?"

Aku malas melirik ke kamu lagi. Paling juga datar lagi ekspresimu.


Nasi goreng datang. Kamu girang. Lalu makan.


I wonder, apakah kamu memikirkan kata-kataku saat kamu lahap nasi goreng mu itu?  

I wish...

Hah, dasar gila!

Source: http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs18/f/2007/158/5/b/as_the_evening_falls_by_Linlith.jpg

With love,

Supposed To...

Supposed to be so easy
Turned out it's a wish merely

Supposed to be harmless
Turned out to be moments of pointless

Supposed to be heaven
Even heaven knows this not it

Supposed to be us
But turned out to be you
And her
Again...

For shortening a supposed to be frantically long great journey,
I supposed to say thank you..

Red Balloon

Someone gave me a balloon.
A very beautiful one. Red was the color. Glossy and shiny all around.

Like a little child I was beyond happy.
Accepted it with a wide smile on me. I looked up at the giver like I couldn't believe of my luck.

I was so happy...

I played with that red glossy shiny balloon all day. At the end of the day I was smitten for that balloon.
The giver kissed me on forehead.

The giver kissed me on forehead, right before he in all of a sudden took out that balloon away from my little hand.
He said, "the time is up, I should give this balloon back to its owner."
He left me just like that. He left me in the dark.

I still want to play with that balloon, I said, with all my might and all of my tears.




xoxo,

Photo Source: Deviantart