A Year After

It's crazy, but believe it or not, today is right exactly a year after my graduation day. Why fly so fast, time? It seems like only yesterday I was rushing to find suitable Kebaya, browsing like crazy just to find the coolest hairdo and make-up tips, galau-galau either want to make a Kebaya or just buy ready-to-wear one..

Again, you need to slow down, time..

Anyhoo, what's been happening in my life a year after my grad day now isn't really what I was expected it to be. There has been soooo muuuch obstacles, struggling days, broken hearted days, hectic work days, so on so forth.

Surely, the highlight is still another failure to get yet another scholarship. I'm okay, though. Deep down inside, I know that I'm not ready for it for many reasons I can't tell you here. 

Another highlight is, I'm still single, for God's sake (and still haven't moved on yet).

What else, what else?

Working world has been teaching me so many lessons. I've only been in one company, so It kinda hard to compare it to any other ones, but the job and the working life I have now has been such a bittersweet symphony. One thing for sure, it's not my passion, so right now I'm just trying to live in the moment while waiting for the best career path that might be waiting up front.

The best is yet to come
And baby wont it be fine?
You think you've seen the sun
But you aint seen it shine... 

Micheal Buble - The Best is Yet to Come

Throw back time. September 7th, 2012.

Taken on late August 2013. Almost a year after my real grad day, me and my girls decided to have another grad photo shoot. The reason was because we weren't graduate together at that time. We had a lot of fun at that second graduation day :)

Well, cheers and may the force be with you all.



xoxo,

Tulisan

Karena dalam setiap tulisan terungkap segala gundah, resah dan sedikit kekecewaanku pada dunia.

Hentakan kencang roda kehidupan yang berjalan gila tak tentu arah yang kadang membuatku mabuk, kuusahakan untuk masuk ke dalam tulisan.

Karena dalam setiap tulisan selalu kuselipkan sepenggal asa untuk kutengok kembali manakala aku merasa hilang.

Lucu mengingat bagaimana manusia sering merasa hilang bahkan ketika mereka sedang berada di teritori yang mereka sendiri sebut sebagai "rumah".

Karena segala isi dunia yang fana ini terlalu besar untuk dikaji. Jangan kau pernah coba mengkajinya sendiri. Hilang, tenggelam dan kosong akan menanti.

Aku begitu tergesa ingin melihat dunia sampai aku lupa bahwa aku juga bisa melihat dunia dari perspektif lain dengan cara yang lebih menyenangkan dan menenangkan.

"Lo pilih, lebih baik lo hidup kelihatan mewah tapi ngga tenang, atau lo hidup biasa dan sederhana tapi selalu senang?" tanya seorang kawan.

Aku dan seorang kawan lain tergelak mendengar pertanyaannya. Komparasinya biasa saja, jawabannya pun sudah pasti mana yang lumrah. Namun tetap saja sukar untuk mengakui yang mana yang sebenarnya lebih kita inginkan.

Pernah juga ada seorang kawan dari ranah yang lain mengungkapkan kebimbangannya untuk beralih dari satu pekerjaan ke pekerjaan lain.

Karena semua saran dan kritik sudah aku lontarkan perihal masalahnya itu, maka aku pun mencoba cara yang lebih modern untuk menyempurnakan solusinya.

Aku menemukan sebuah blog yang dalam sebuah tulisannya berkata seperti ini:

Berada dalam zona nyaman adalah berbahaya. Jangan sampai hidup ini didasari rasa takut hingga kita tak lagi memiliki nyali untuk mengembangkan diri. - Iga Massardi.

Ha! Betapa tergugah si kawanku ini akan kalimat di atas sampai akhirnya dia berani memilih keputusan untuk melangkah ke tempat kerjanya yang baru dan meninggalkan segala aspek kenyamanan yang (mungkin) akan ia temukan di tempat yang lama.

Sekarang bandingkan dengan pertanyaan tentang senang dan tenang yang pernah seorang kawan lontarkan.

Bisa tidak ya, seorang manusia hidup dalam kesederhanaan, namun tetap banyak ruang untuk mengembangkan diri dan tetap hirau akan kenyamanan, bahkan jika rasa nyaman itu identik dengan kemewahan.

Rasanya itu harapan yang terlalu tinggi (tapi bukannya tidak mungkin).

Satu yang pasti, sekali lagi, jangan pernah kau coba untuk megkaji dunia ini sendiri. Karena dunia ini terlalu luas dan ramai, namun terlalu kecil dan fana untuk ego manusia yang itu-itu saja. Apapun itu artinya.

Dan dalam tulisan ini, sekali lagi aku selipkan asa dan keyakinan agar nanti dapat aku tengok lagi manakala aku merasa hilang dan hampa. Mungkin setahun atau dua tahun dari sekarang atau mungkin hanya berselang  lima menit dari sekarang.


xoxo,

For the Right Time

For the right time we seek
We bleed
We dig deep
And sometimes weep


For the right time we fight
We pass the strike
We wait for the light


For the right time we broke
Try so hard not to choke
Try to endure every mock


For the right time we pray
We caught in the gray
Do nothing but pray


For the right time we feel
We heal
We pay the bill and look after thrill


For the right time we grow
Glow in the shadow
Flow into somewhere we know


Then we might die
We might survive
We might last
Or we might forgotten fast


For the right time we wish
We miss to be kissed
For the right time we can actually say
"For the right time like this..."



xoxo,

Come Here...

One of my favorite scenes of all time. Taken from the year of 1995 from the movie "Before Sunrise". The song's called "Come Here", sung by American old singer Kath Bloom. The lyric is so beautiful that it could put you in a few minutes of total silence. Also, the exchanging glance between Jesse and Celine, it's a definete concept of admiration (or love?) without words.

 

There's wind that blows in from the north.
And it says that loving takes this course.
Come here. Come here.
No I'm not impossible to touch I have never wanted you so much.
Come here. Come here.
Have I never laid down by your side.
Baby, let's forget about this pride.
Come here. Come here.
Well I'm in no hurry. Don't have to run away this time.
I know you're timid.
But it's gonna be all right this time..




*absolute silence*

Selamat Datang di Kapal Nomor 24

So, yesterday marked the day of my 24^th birthday. Yayness!

Step into this 24^th year of my life makes me kinda happy and sad, both at the same time. Maybe I’m just having too much Chicklit to read, but this really feels like an early mid-life crisis thingy (sok tua..).

I’m happy, literally. I earn just enough money on my own now, I have a real job (more on this later hmmm…), I still have my family completely to support me, physically and mentally, my friends are everywhere and I can count on them anytime, I’m perfectly healthy (just some holes in teeth might hurt me sometimes and maybe I just have to reduce my glucose-consuming). See? I’m perfectly happy. At a glance, sure.

I also feel that I’m being wiser now as I’m growing older. My way of thinking, handling problems, I think it’s getting better. I see life and destiny a little bit differently than before (thanks to that man, matter of fact).

Then, reality bites. I feel like I’m heading nowhere in this 24 years old me. The 14 years old me might never have imagined the present me to have a life like this now.

If I sort things through, I’d call this feeling of mine as insecurity rather than sadness.

After graduating, it was only around a month of spare time before I officially got a job.  So everything is kinda in a rush, yes. But if I look back then, I really needed money at that time, so like a hyena sees a cute bambi, I just grabbed that job to fulfill my needs.

Later on, here I am, after 7-8 months, stuck at this company. So many things go wrong in this company, to be honest, and if I ever resign at the soonest, it’d maybe because the crap management in a whole. I might could have myself improved in this company, it is really possible. Somehow, I can even put myself in a very strategic position if I hang on there. But the thing is, this company is just not my thing. I mean, deep down I always realize that I’m not really into a money-making business field. At least not this much.

After all, I’m a Freshgrad and I really think I should hang on there for at least a year for my resume’s sake. Right now, I have to figure out the way to survive for the next 3-4 months and it’s freaking hard. It’s getting harder to even wake up in the morning, take a crappy train to go to work and face the chaotic Jakarta every single day. Luckily, I still have bunch of really good friends in office and they are good reasons to have good laughs everyday, so technically, I’ve been saved.

And apparently, I can't move out just yet, cause I’m still waiting for a scholarship announcement. Yes, I’m applying for another one this year, and I kinda put a big of hope in it. So fingers crossed and wish me luck!

Another thing that is going nowhere is my love life. We really never know who’s gonna chosen by our heart, yes? I never thought I could really fall hard upon that weird man, and what’s worse is now I’m stuck. It’s so not me. Normally, I’m just gonna leave out of a relationship that is going nowhere. I don’t even know what I’m gonna go from here with him. All I know is, I’m in that so-called comfort zone and not wanting to get out from there, not now. Well as a matter of fact, he teaches me a lot, from professionalism (it sucks, but, yes), endless life talk, to the roller-coaster ride of love and romance. All at once, it has been a blessing and sort-of an unfortunate event, really.

The annoying part is the fact that I’m 24 now and my parents is starting to be a little bit restless and keep asking why I never bring a man home ‘cause it’s been a while since my last real relationship. On the last wedding event of my cousin’s, all of my big family wished me a good man to be married with. Based on the age order, it’s supposed to be my wed for the next, so yeah, I really get why my parents keep yapping about it. 

If those things above are the characteristic of an early mid-life crisis, hell yeah, welcome me!

But then, let me blow the candle and make really good wishes for the year ahead.

So, that’s it. Thanks for reading my sappy unimportant curhatan. Later! Ciao!

(photo source: Flickr)

Sudahkah Sudi?

Karena selama kita ada

Selama itu pula tanda bertanya

Kita memahami, namun menolak untuk mengerti

Seperti matahari yang kadang sinarnya terlalu panas dan menyakitkan kulit

Atau bahkan dirindukan karena sinarnya yang kadang terlalu redup

Bagiku kau adalah matahari dengan fungsi yang tak jauh beda

Kita tidak memaksa

Kita tidak tergesa

Aku berupaya

Kau berencana

Waktu menyiksa

Takdir tertawa

Sudahkah kita bicara?

Sudikah kita menata? 

Kuningan, 26 Maret 2013

(Photo source: Littlemisslove)

It's Alright..

Sometimes in movies or books, especially maybe in the certain genre like romance or drama, you will easily find a similar line.

“Everything’s gonna be okay”, “Everything will be just fine”, “Everything will be alright”

“Semua akan baik-baik saja”

And it just struck me, how comforting those words are.

I start to think of people that might have said those words to me and I found no one. Not even my parents. At least not specifically like that. Every soothing word that I’ve ever received sounds so vague, and it kinda makes me feel sad.

In those movies or books, the main character would have been through some troubles or conflicts, and when she/he gets really really down, that somebody will cheer her/him up by saying those lines.

“Everything will be alright”

Problems won’t easily get solved like that, everybody knows it. But you know, it’s that line that somehow will strengthen you up. Gives you power. Gives you hopes to walk through every obstacle and pains that might be waiting ahead of you. And you’ll feel content and ready to endure whatever it is. That’s it.

Cliché but it’s true.

I wonder when my time will come to have someone by my side that will say those comforting words whenever I feel down or miserable. Maybe it will be amazing to have my parents said it to me, but I doubt it. We don’t talk stuffs to our parents.

I started to think of my friends. Some are my best ones. Then I realized, I mostly do crazy things with them. Also, somehow, I’m the type of friend that always looks happy. Even when I’m sad, I could hide it from them and start being happy instead. It’s not that I fake it, but somehow, I really could forget my miseries whenever I’m with my besties. I hardly remember when was the last time I wreck down and share it to my friends. 

However, once again, it would be nice to have that particular person around you. It doesn’t have to be the one that could solve all your problems, give you advices, and tell you what to do. It’s more like somebody that could pat your back, hug you and comfort you by telling that everything will be just fine.

Hey, semua akan baik-baik saja! :)

xoxo,

PS: Funny thing, by the time I wote this, I was saying that line "everything will be just fine" for real to my friend. It kinda felt so good to at least comforting someone over such a simple meaningful chain of words.