'If I were to Send You a Letter, This Would be it’

I found this poem from Lang Leav's blog. Well, she's one of the most pop poets right now, so yes, I'm kinda into her.

This miserable, desperate yet beautiful poem talks about letting go of the dearest one at your life. I've been quite familiar with the topic of moving on, letting go and stuff like that for like, one year now. But this poem practically gives me goosebumps every time I've chance to read it.

It's not mostly about unrequited love or like that harsh broken heart. What amazed me the most is how you can turn a sad goodbye, that miserable feeling of letting go, to be one of the moment that deserves to be preserved, to be remembered as good as it got.

No hatred, no regrets, only that sad emotion of joy..

'If I were to send you a letter, this would be it’

I guess this could be both a goodbye and a hello,

 a soft goodbye because I know this letter marks the last time you will ever think of me,

 and a hard hello because you cannot simply fathom the amount of missing you that has taken place

 In this hollow heart of mine.

  

Because every night I discover you in a new and brilliant way.

Your name is painted in a delicate red under the tight seams of the wallpaper I put up after you left. 

 The ripped up poetry pages you kept are still in my trash can since it has not yet been a full week

Since I destroyed every physical memory of you. 

The roses you bought me which were intended to help stifle the pain of our breakup

only renew it in the most hateful way possible.

Obviously I still think of you though 

You are the chemical ingredients which make me feel miserable

 You are the cracks in my bones which grow with every passing hour

 You are the hour, the minute and the second hand

Always chipping away at the few hours of sanity I have left. 

And you are the rose petals in my tea

Marking the death of another far off love that couldn’t have been quite as extraordinary as ours. 

Yet I find myself thinking 

 If I could just let go of all of these things then maybe 

 Just maybe, I can let go of you too.

 So I have decided to leave 

 to leave this apartment which is only a graveyard of short-lived memories

 And to move to another country

 And maybe then I will finally be happy. 

I will write more and read more, paint and take more photographs, and hopefully fall in love, one last time.

 But if that makes you sad just know this;

 I will still find you in some way, whether it be the touch of the cold rain or silent kiss of soft snow 

 or even the whisp of sheets which surround me as I sleep 

And it will be these moments, these soft goodbyes and hard hellos 

Which I will live for

When my next lover becomes eternally reckless with my crystal heart...

— Grayson Herrg, “If I were to write you a letter this would be it” (via Langleav's blog)

xoxo,