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Just like the wheel, life keeps on rolling. One person can't be in tears all the time, while the happiness is not forever either.

Time is changing. Time is everything.

When you're happy, remember the times when you're broken down.

When you're sad, remember the times of glory you've had.

'Cause life ain't fair and everybody's been there.

As charming as life could be, we'll be taking the journey. Yes, we. You and I versus the world, versus the time, versus everything we've known including ourselves.

Fight the good battle. You and I know it even what's better to fight for.

Doubts will become our ghosts, walking along our way, appear and disappear faster than our shadows.

Never be afraid, my love. I'm as weak as you are. And together we're not the brightest. So, walk with me, my love. For what its worth, for the sake of ourselves.

This is not the vow. It's an unbreakable thing that I don't know what to call. 

Jakarta,

May 2015

The First Writing After You Left

Hi there,

Would you be kind enough to stop

And remember

What kind of person that you wanted to be?

To me,
For those moments

I wanted to be a good girl

For you

Then we were doomed

I was bleeding

So much it sucked up my energy

Into a big hole that is you

I was fallen

Into a dark path that is you

And I was trapped

Into a deep labyrinth that is you

My eyes were a waterfall

And still are

I stopped writing  

Cause I'm afraid there will be you

In my every stroke of pen

I stopped searching

Cause I'm afraid I can't be better to anybody else

And I know we should live in the present
And how to forgive our past
No blame taken

And I'm just here to cherish you

To heal myself

To search again       

And to start writing again
To living the life again

No matter how hard it is..


Yours always,

"Aruna"


Jakarta,
Circa July 2014

Antara Pemilu dan Seperempat Abad

Seminggu yang lalu, tepatnya 9 April, adalah hari pemilihan umum legislative di Indonesia. 33 provinsi (masih 33 ngga ya?) serentak merayakan apa yang sudah lumrah disebut sebagai pesta demokrasi. Hampir sebulan sebelum hari ini, semua caleg berlomba menampakkan wajahnya, lambang partainya dan slogan-slogan nan ajaibnya.

Tahun ini kali ke-dua sejak saya dapat hak suara di pesta demokrasi. Namun, seperti biasa, pemilu legislatif tidak pernah membuat saya terlalu excited, bahkan harus diakui saya cenderung datar dan apatis. Yang membuat saya senang paling paling cuma hari libur dadakan dan itu artinya bisa tidur seharian atau main sama teman-teman.

Seperti pagi tanggal 9 April, hari saya dimulai dengan dumelan karena orangtua saya memaksa saya bangun pagi dan bersiap pergi ke TPS untuk voting. I didn’t really feel like going! Tapi ayah saya bersikeras kalau anak-anaknya ngga boleh golput tahun ini, dan sebagai anak yang berbakti saya pun nurut dan segera bersiap menuju tempat pemungutan suara *sigh*

Jadi ceritanya ada cerita lucu soal pemilu tahun ini yang datangnya dari ayah saya. Tagline utama ayah tahun ini adalah ‘Say No to Golput’. Padahal sih, tahun-tahun sebelumnya ayah ngga terlalu peduli dengan pilihan anak-anaknya, entah mau pilih siapa, partai apa, pokoknya suka-suka. Tapi tahun ini lain cerita. Ternyata setelah ditilik lagi, ketauan kalau ada misi  tertentu yang ayah saya emban tahun ini.

Sebagai ‘Primas’ alias Pria Masjid, ayah saya di hari tua setelah pensiunnya ini menjadi super duper relijius. Ayah rajin ikut pengajian, majlis ta’lim dan hampir ngga pernah absen sholat berjama’ah di masjid. Pemikirannya juga jadi sangat agamis, padahal dulu ayah saya cenderung dinamis kalau sudah menyangkut ideologi dan pemikiran. Alhamdulillah sih ngga sampe yang ekstrim atau gimana ya, tapi pokoknya ayah jadi agak berubah.

Saya sih ngga akan bilang berubah jadi lebih relijius dan agamisnya ayah saya atau siapapun itu adalah sesuatu yang tidak baik. Nope. Justru malah sangat baik, kan toh di hari tua memang saatnya lah lebih mendekatkan diri ke sang pencipta. Namun sayangnya, konsekuensi dari pergaulan yang baru ini buat ayah saya malah jadi menyempitkan pandangannya.

Semarak anti golput ayah tahun ini cenderung dilatarbelakangi oleh issue yang beredar di masyarakat sekarang, yaitu, say no to non-moslem leaders. Maraknya pesan singkat dan broadcast message akan hal ini terus terang bikin saya gerah. Orang Islam (pakai bawa-bawa nama organisasi you-know-what) terang-terangan berseru agar jangan golput dan pilihlah pemimpin yang beragama Islam. Intinya, mereka bilang ada upaya menjadikan Indonesia sebagai Negara yang menyimpang dari ajaran agama Islam, terutama jika Anda pilih si nganu dari partai anu, atau si itu dari partai tertentu.

What the hell?

Saya pikir di tahun 2014 ini sudah tidak selayaknya hal-hal kayak gini dipermasalahkan. Tapi yang bikin kecewa adalah, sedangkal itu makna anti golput yang diserukan di pesan-pesan berantai di atas. Berarti kan mereka tidak peduli bagaimana attitude atau track record pemimpin yang mereka pilih asalkan seiman. Saya muslim dan saya toh tahu persis kalau most of corruptor di Negara ini malah seiman dengan saya. Gimana tuh?

Ayah saya bilang pemikiran-pemikiran yang terlalu demokratis kayak saya gini ujungnya yang akan bikin Negara ini jadi sekuler. Terlalu liberal. Akhirnya malah gap antara kehidupan bernegara dan agama jadi jauh dan Negara akan makin kacau secara fundamental. Saya sendiri sih tidak terlalu memusingkan masalah sekulerisme. Menurut saya hidup di Indonesia dengan corak agama dan budaya yang kental akan otomatis memisahkan urusan agama dan hidup bernegara, tanpa harus disistematisasikan dengan titel sekulerisme. Toh urusan agama juga tidak bisa dicampur adukkan dengan budaya. Salah salah malah dicap syirik dan menyimpang kan, seperti beberapa upacara adat yang masih eksis sampai sekarang. Tanpa diminta pun agama sudah jadi hal yang baku di Indonesia. Dari organisasi terkecil keluarga kita sudah punya agama, tinggal masing-masing dari kita lah yang memilih untuk mengamalkannya atau tidak, tanpa meninggalkan peran serta keluarga dan lingkungan.

Sumpah kalau lagi begini otak saya langsung bercabang banyak. Stop di sini ya urusan negaranya, daripada kepanjangan hehe..

Anyway, beberapa hari yang lalu saya pun tepat menginjak usia seperempat abad. Lucu juga betapa usia ke-25 ini diawali dengan pemikiran njelimet soal Negara. Am I growing up, finally? I hope so J

Beberapa hal yang pasti, catatan personal saya, saya bersyukur dikasih kesempatan untuk ‘mencicipi’ bidang lain dalam pekerjaan. Hopefully the outcome would be good, both intellectually and financially for me. Saya bersyukur juga masih dikasih otak yang sebegitu keriputnya sampai segala perintilan pun sanggup saya pikirin. My 25 will be great, and I believe it J

Ciao!

xoxo,

Stuff

"And that’s how it goes, Kids. The friends, neighbors, drinking buddies and partners in crime you love so much when you’re young, as the years go by, you just lose touch.You will be shocked, Kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever.That’s why when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it."

[Ted Mosby – How I Met Your Mother S09x21]

Those lines of words got me thinking of each person that has existed in my life. How long I’ve known them. The ones who stay.. The ones who left…

As I list every friendship/relationship I’ve had, it occurs to me that I’m so blessed to be surrounded by some of the best people on earth. And surprisingly, I manage to keep many of those relationships. Teman SD, SMP, SMA, kuliah and even colleagues from work that I consider now as my new brothers and sisters.

And I’m planning to keep them around for a long long time. J

Sure, some of the most personal relationships didn’t work out and I let it go. Though I’ve to admit that I work so hard to keep the last one. I got myself thinking that we can’t make people stay if they don’t have any guts to stay. But then, I rethink again, as quoted from Mosby himself that, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it. So, I think it's clear now why I keep him around my nerves after all..

Humans don’t have so much time on earth. To make it even enough would be a miracle. Some people call it joy when they can have it spent with their loved ones. And as you’re getting older you would find your time is too precious to waste it with things you don’t like, or to even pretend.

xoxo,

Kisah Gadis Pemalu dan Lelaki Pengganggu

Alkisah di sebuah taman kecil di belahan lain sebuah kota yang tidak terlalu ramai dengan manusia, seorang gadis biasa duduk dan menatap kosong ke depannya. Ada seorang lelaki yang sedang tertawa bahagia bersama temannya. Entah apa yang ia tertawakan sampai giginya kelihatan semua.

Sang gadis tiba-tiba tersipu. Entah apa itu, yang jelas senyum lelaki itu sangat lucu.

Sadar diperhatikan, lelaki mulai berlagak. Tertawanya jadi dibuat-buat, terdengar seperti suara burung gagak. Ia memberitahu temannya bahwa ada gadis manis yang memantau mereka dari kejauhan.

Sang gadis masih berusaha menyembunyikan rona merah pipinya. Ia lantas membuka buku yang dibawanya dan menyembunyikan wajahnya di sana. Tiba-tiba seseorang datang duduk di sebelahnya. Lelaki itu! Hati sang gadis jadi tak menentu. Karena salah tingkah ia bersiap angkat kaki seribu.

Si lelaki pengganggu diam saja. Niat menggangu saja yang dia punya. Namun begitu dia melihat si gadis akan segera pergi, dia segera ambil aksi.

Lelaki bertanya tentang buku yang dibaca si gadis. Si gadis tidak menjawab, hanya tersenyum tipis. Si lelaki bertanya lagi mengapa ia sendirian. Sang gadis hanya mengangguk sopan.

Karena penasaran dan kesal, si lelaki sontak nyeletuk, “cantik-cantik kok gagu, Mbak?”

Si gadis terkejut, namun dengan tenang dia mengambil secarik kertas dan pena dari dalam tasnya, dan menulis,

“Maaf, saya memang gagu alias tuna wicara :)”.

Ia selipkan kertas tersebut di tangan sang lelaki, kemudian dia angkat kaki.

Sang lelaki membeku setelah membaca pesan itu. Wajah sampai telinganya memerah karena malu. Ingin dia kejar si gadis itu, tapi apa daya, lidah pun tubuhnya sudah kelu.

Dari jarak 10 meter setelah meninggalkan si lelaki, sang gadis menoleh dan tertawa nyaris terbahak.

“Maaf ya, saya terlalu pemalu untuk bicara sama kamu…” ujarnya pelan.

“Gilaaa.. ngga lagi-lagi gue gangguin cewek sembarangan”, gerutu si lelaki dari kejauhan.

 ~fin~

xoxo,

Valentine's Tune

It's Valentine again (d'oh) !!

Can't say too much about today, but I've got a sweet tune I've been humming aroung for a month now. It is a sweet song called "Boat Song" from an American christian-folk singer named JJ Heller.

Heller's musics are mainly in the spot of christian and kinda country folky, and I usually cannot stand too much country music, but this Boat Song is more of a catchy acoustic and is totally cute. Heller's sweet smile and those cute backgrounds in the music video will cheer up your Val's day, both for the singles and doubles.. *wink*

"Boat Song"

If you were a boat, my darling
A boat, my darling
I'd be the wind at your back
If you were afraid, my darling
Afraid, my darling
I'd be the courage you lack

If you were a bird, then I'd be a tree
And you would come home, my darling, to me
If you were asleep, then I'd be a dream
Wherever you are, that's where my heart will be
Oh, do you know we belong together?
Oh, do you know my heart is yours?

If you were the ocean, I'd be the sand
If you were a song, I'd be the band
If you were the stars, then I'd be the moon
A light in the dark, my darling, for you

Oh, do you know we belong together?
Oh, do you know my heart is yours?

Oh, do you know we belong together?
Oh, do you know my heart is yours?
Oh, do you know we belong together?
Oh, do you know my heart is yours?

[JJ Heller - Boat Song]

xoxo,

'If I were to Send You a Letter, This Would be it’

I found this poem from Lang Leav's blog. Well, she's one of the most pop poets right now, so yes, I'm kinda into her.

This miserable, desperate yet beautiful poem talks about letting go of the dearest one at your life. I've been quite familiar with the topic of moving on, letting go and stuff like that for like, one year now. But this poem practically gives me goosebumps every time I've chance to read it.

It's not mostly about unrequited love or like that harsh broken heart. What amazed me the most is how you can turn a sad goodbye, that miserable feeling of letting go, to be one of the moment that deserves to be preserved, to be remembered as good as it got.

No hatred, no regrets, only that sad emotion of joy..

'If I were to send you a letter, this would be it’

I guess this could be both a goodbye and a hello,

 a soft goodbye because I know this letter marks the last time you will ever think of me,

 and a hard hello because you cannot simply fathom the amount of missing you that has taken place

 In this hollow heart of mine.

  

Because every night I discover you in a new and brilliant way.

Your name is painted in a delicate red under the tight seams of the wallpaper I put up after you left. 

 The ripped up poetry pages you kept are still in my trash can since it has not yet been a full week

Since I destroyed every physical memory of you. 

The roses you bought me which were intended to help stifle the pain of our breakup

only renew it in the most hateful way possible.

Obviously I still think of you though 

You are the chemical ingredients which make me feel miserable

 You are the cracks in my bones which grow with every passing hour

 You are the hour, the minute and the second hand

Always chipping away at the few hours of sanity I have left. 

And you are the rose petals in my tea

Marking the death of another far off love that couldn’t have been quite as extraordinary as ours. 

Yet I find myself thinking 

 If I could just let go of all of these things then maybe 

 Just maybe, I can let go of you too.

 So I have decided to leave 

 to leave this apartment which is only a graveyard of short-lived memories

 And to move to another country

 And maybe then I will finally be happy. 

I will write more and read more, paint and take more photographs, and hopefully fall in love, one last time.

 But if that makes you sad just know this;

 I will still find you in some way, whether it be the touch of the cold rain or silent kiss of soft snow 

 or even the whisp of sheets which surround me as I sleep 

And it will be these moments, these soft goodbyes and hard hellos 

Which I will live for

When my next lover becomes eternally reckless with my crystal heart...

— Grayson Herrg, “If I were to write you a letter this would be it” (via Langleav's blog)

xoxo,